A Meaningful Life

I was born ‘in tune’ with death. I am not sure why. It is just something I have spent a great deal of time thinking about. Not in a sad way, in an accepting way. I have no desire to die yet I have never been afraid of the idea. I have had many experiences with death - family, career, pets, etc. I have assured my closest family many times if I were to die that I am fine and they should not worry about me. In my experience, dying is more about the people left behind.

In many cases I am not positive the person dying actually believes that they will cease to exist, right up until their last breath. This does not necessarily mean they did not accept the idea of death, to me it simply indicates human nature and the difficult perception of a world in which we no longer actively participate.

I have long thought photos and videos were good for personal memories but that for some of us they are mostly someone else’s trash to dispose of after death. I have few to no sentimental attachments to objects or tangible items. I have no romantic thought of remembrance or place-holding. I never wanted children, so I it is unlikely I will carry on much after my death. I am fine with this.

I had surgery once and it didn’t go so well - what a crazy thing! The end result was it came to reinforce everything I had ever believed…had I died I would have even not known better. I would have been fine; things were very peaceful when I was at my sickest! There was no fear or anguish present.

I want to be clear - I have no desire to die. This is just an acknowledgment of the realization that it walks everywhere with us, in everything we do, a tiny shadow in the corner of our eyes. Living every day as it if were your last is not just a saying. We live in a fear-gripped society, fear that is not only related to death and dying but fear of EVERYTHING. Our terror of death is just another fear they have instilled upon us to enslave us.

We have no control over anything except our daily actions – we only control what we ‘put out’ to the world each day we are lucky enough to be here. For me, every day comes with the deepest gratitude for life. I have long ago streamlined my life to what matters, to what I want to be doing the day I am to die.

I don’t do what I do for my retirement, for money, for fame (lol), nor for some young, silly aspirations. I simply will not waste my life being inauthentic. I have little or no tolerance to ‘faking’ anything. I try and make every moment matter in a way that is important. Not by spending time with people who don’t even like me, or acting like things are acceptable that clearly are NOT ACCEPTABLE, or attending non-vegan celebrations of ‘life’ that are completely centered around the suffering and death of others.

I am quiet when situation requires, but I absolutely require of myself to be real, speak truth and hold fast to my morals and values, even when my voice may waver or I feel intimidated.

I will NEVER stop. If I did all this for some personal accumulation, at my end I would find life very empty. If I were to be told I had 3 months to live tomorrow I would triple my efforts in activism for the short time I have left. I would not squander my time visiting Disneyland, or ruminating over things lost, I would spend it saving lives and trying to rescue those I truly love from a life of apathy and cruelty, trying to have people realize how much Earth needs love and care, how so many suffer every day, how they can live a life of QUALITY with good health and energy instead of sick and in crisis and in fear while buying and swallowing chemicals and magic supplements that are lining the pockets of criminals.

I would spend my last days still trying to bring the crisis of our fellow man to the forefront, and continue to try to rally good people to care about them. I would try and speak even louder for Earth, and push harder to begin to shift the population to re-feed her energy that is more positive than the awful, horror-filled energy we redeliver to her every day.

I would take one last minute to beg people to care about every single tree in the rainforest. I would plead with them to care about that pig [chicken, duck, cow, etc.] as if it were their dog, or even their child, because they ARE someone’s children – please pay regard to the terminology – someONE, not someTHING. All are someone, and their lives matter too.

I would try again to ask people to care for Earth as they care for their beautiful fancy homes, because it IS their home. I would repeat one last time that we are products of lies and advertising, and I would again try to inform them that they are willfully killing themselves and their families for someone else’s profit and for the contamination and eradication of everything they say they hold dear.

This is simply about doing all I can in the short time I am here. Doing what I can to make a positive impact while leaving very few footprints. I have saved lives. If I die tomorrow I will cherish that to my last breath, and I will try to save ‘just one more’ until I can no longer hold a thought. I will NEVER stop.

I am well aware of the bargaining and deals and dreams that relate frequently relate to the dying process, but I also strongly believe if you have already had the right conversations with yourself and have already been doing things that do not squander life or the time we have, then we do not question the value, or, at least, we do so minimally by comparison. I am not so ignorant to think I will throw my arms open when death comes. Just because I feel I have enough substance to carry me out with a good measure of life satisfaction does not mean I would ever have any desire to die!

As an example, when I started a garden, I planted pretty flowers. This alone was not satisfactory to me. Everything was so pretty, but so much was wrong. As I absorbed every detail life has to offer, I began to have a deeper understanding what was truly valuable. I began planting native trees and berry-bearing bushes, beneficial nectar plants for Earth and all creatures. I left messes and brush piles. I piled rocks for no clear reason. I grow food and I am not angered if wildlife invades my garden, I am grateful to have planted something they enjoy. 

I hope someday my small personal paradise will be cherished by another who also shares their garden with the both the deer and bunnies and snakes and spiders equally. Of this I know I have no control. With the way our Earth is being abused, there may be only barren wasteland left here in my ‘paradise’ in 20 years. These thoughts do not deter me from planting. I can simply refuse to recognize futility. I can do the best I can. I can coexist and nurture and appreciate. And, simultaneously, I can also recognize that ultimately this is all completely out of my hands to control. 

Life is not about appearances and reputation. Life is about actions and impact and fulfillment and returning something more positive and good than what you were first given, and you don’t have much time.

I got this email almost 4 years ago on one of my YouTube channels:
"I saw your channel when it first started and I thought it was just another fly by night vegan site but you keep fighting and fighting for the cause against these relentless people that just want to argue and crush your passion. I lost that passion though I must admit. I had it for a while but I just hated hated arguing against these people that just want to argue without any desire to seek the truth and I gave up. I turned into one of those people that say "whatever, I don't care"... but I did care… I just didn't want to deal with the negativity. I wouldn't be able to keep it up like you are now and I'm so glad you are because it's so important. Thanks :)"

If that person is out there right now…I am STILL HERE. I will NOT lose my passion. I will not consent and I will not be silent. Together people can make a wonderful world. Only when more people realize their complicity in our current societal evils and understand the individual power they have to change it will change actually happen.